A lunch date wasted

she just started the whole conversation by asking
'are u angry?"
"why should i be angry?"

"why did you go out of orkut?"
"well didnot want anymore idle chitchat with strangers.in any case i have got the e-mail ids of all the people i require"
"oh"(she is thinking furiously)

"wat are you doing???"
"NOTHING".

"wat r u doin for lunch tomorrow?"
pregnant silence...
"nothing.got no plans as of now."
(short pause on her side)
...
;
:
"come over to my place".
(lump forming at the throat,eyes watering at the prospect of free food).

"i will cook some veg food.
or maybe we can order some takeaway"(earnestness dripping over the phone)

"NO".
"why not?
after all i am not asking you to cook,all you need to do is eat"(trying to evoke laughter.usually she succeeds.but not this time...)

"NO"( i have got a mind of my own)
"ok bye".(me putsdown the phone)

log into gmail.
block her mails.
block all chats.

she keeps on asking me so many questions,does she really need an answer?
guess not.
she needs somebody to control,thats all.
why can`t she just let go...i mean life is a bit relaxed and easier that way .
atleast for the both of us.
for all of us.
her parents are scared of me,of her hob-nobbing with me.
so why not do them a favor...just keep away from me.
auwidersehen.

moral of the conversation: it took me all my goodwill and contact in bangalore to get two guest passes for "Sumoner Gaan" plus "Miles" cause she wanted to go.On the evening of the shoow she groggily picked up the phone and said"very sleepy,cant come,rather dont feel like coming"
ok ...
very well...
watever...why am i even writing?



so i can have good laugh later.
thats it.

Living My Dreams

Well right now wat i am doing is something i have always wanted to do....to be gloriously jobless...so i can read a book till five in the morning,wake up at twelve thirty...drink some coffee(if Ashok is around),log onto www.manutd.com to check out the top stories regarding my fav club,then maybe chat a bit with the gang ...and then ,well do nothing.
Absolutely NOTHING.
Parents are kind of worried about me,but i guess dats kind of normal.
they Are always worried about me.
Frankly i dont see a single reason for their worry.
I am not sleeping around with some 'noshto choritro "mamoni(dont have the capability t0 even properly chat with one)
i rarely drink,never smoke,not exactly on friendly terms with any anti-national elements,sooooooooooo
parents just give me a break.
I dont want to be an MBA ,i dont want to go out and prove to the world that i am a fool...i know my limitations.
Somehow these days, i am meeting a lot of people who seem to be absolutely FAKE...they talk about things which are so skewed and short-term,that i feel asphxiated...i feel somebody is trying to strangulate me with a huge fabric of half-spun lies,fabrications,and mis-placed Intellectualism...
or maybe i am a FUCKING MISFIT.
Well i guess its more of the latter.
i am finding to live like this.
Its high time i took some concrete steps to put my life in order.
For a person who has a rather strong mind and a dream to fulfill, this kind of a life is rather difficult.
i find it difficult to join any of the outsourced jobs(BPO.KPO,Software,Services) sector.
Always wanted to be something like a deep-sea diver or maybe a crewmember of Americas Cup Team...and here i am dying of inaction-)
well kind of confused about how to convince mom about the fact that i really dont want to SETTLE DOWN like any normal bengali boy,i want to make mark for myself so
"let me go".

Its time i spoke to Kanchan about contacting ANOOP for info regarding the MS course he did from UK
HIgh Time ...
else...
well else...
i will grow roots...
or
i will die.

back to the lakes.

just rejoined the only thing i was pretty good at...ROWING.
went to the Trishna Club at Ulsoor lake and joined the army outfit for my daily sweating out.
seems the rowing fraternity ,at least the seriuos ones are very less in number ,n everybody seems to know the other guys at calcutta or pune.
so it was pretty easy for me to get in just by saying i was under Ashok Mehta n loganathan, legends in their own rights.
haRD PRACTISE FROM TOMORROW MORNING.SIX THIRTY SHARP.
NIRVANA

winning : my style

khelenge hum jaan se
khelenge hum shaan se
nafrat se kya jitna
jitenge hum pyar me!

what ho ?
indian elliot??????

wat a night!!

Wat a night old boy.
left me smelly,as drunk as an Irish,bleary-eyed from lack of sleep,left knee bruised from sweeping the wooden floor of R&S new dupleix n has also LEFT A STRANGE EROTIC SMELL IN my arrow gaberdine jacket.
all foer a eXTREMELY PRETTY STRANGER who left St.Stephens maths major to be a legal eagle-).
Ich habe Keine Probleme mit das ,aber ich denke ich beliebe diesen Ssuper Sussen madchen.
sie ist zu viel interresente,hast eine susse spreche und ist alles alein im diesen stadt.
Sie spreche sie kann neben gesehen mit mich.sie ubel uber mich und haben keine idee aber das.
Wunderbar.
Ich bin im Liebe.
WARUM ?
WARUM?
WARUM/
hast du keine idee ?
auwiedersehen

Two Small Pills

Orange and White.White n Orange.Thats All She Left me with........
My Shrink Tells me these two are nessesary (for wat? ).Mom sees to it that i take them twice daily!
I am so lonely,numb,oblivious to pain,barbs,jobs,etal.
Suffering from an acute case of wat i call MELANCHOLIA .
I just DONT FEEL anything...nicht aber Jetz.
Dr Roy tells me the pills are to keep you in a smilling mood"mukh Hashi-hashi thakbe"......

The Darkest Day Of My Life...1...watever i can manage to remeber..or maybe wish to...

If somebody actually asked which was the darkest day of my life.....well i would not hesistate before saying the night of May 12/13 2002. the college day function were just over so we were back to our daily routine;Grass, Vodka, Floyd ( Wall vid to be precise).Some of the guys were tryin to master the new circuits of NFS and me being the Supplier n Financer for most of the Contraband items the seniors needed ,was actually sitting in School n College Senior Joyproteeps Single room planning our new list of goodies and porn cds.
Suddenly the door burst open n in came Joy(ind prod), and one look at his face told me something was gravely wrong.
"Himangshu n Rane have met with an accident in Karwar Road!" panted Joy.
'Wats new? they do it every sem.....Madarchodo ka habit baan giya hai Gaddi thokna"pat came the reply frm one of the guys(Vikash Kumar Frm Patna)
"Himangshu`s parents have been informed"persisted Joy.
Pregnant Silence.
Confused Looks.
"Maybe they are in Coma??"i blurted.( Son of two docs i could sense something was wrong)
"U gone Crazy?????"joy said.Others just looked away.But the Fear of the dark was hanging in the air.These two are our friends,our family away frm home,god please keep them safe.
Somehow we just sat around discussing the unknown,analysing all possible angles to the accident and how we could have stopped it.
I was walking towards the loo wen i saw JP da standing there looking at the sky n shaking his head.
"Ki Holo JP da?"
"Before Himangshu left he came to my room at 2.30 in the night asking for money n i gave him 500 bucks for the petrol.If only......."
Now the time was likr nearly 12.30 so all the frightened,tired,resigned-to-fate group of boys trooped back to their roomshoping the new day will bring better news.Maybe.Just Maybe.
I walked into room 305 which i shared with Sammyda, the Genious Frm Arch dept n the moment we closed the door his remark summed up the feeling
" U know something is wrong, dont u?.We all Know but u are the only one who can Face it right now!"
That night was a torment with me sruggling with the sheets and blanket till around 4.00 wen i could not take it any longer.My monumental heartbreak in the june 0f 2001 left me with a shrink,some anti-depressants,tons of sweet memories and an unique ability to sense danger n fear.It was this Fear-detecting radar that woke me up.I shuffled to the door,opened it,peered around the corner, and the world just went blank for 5 secs.
Jat(Pradeep Poonia frm Meerut, H`s roomie) was standing near the stairs like a statue.
Period.
That Was It.
I turned around,went over to Sammy`s bed n woke him .
"But Sangram is the Michael(Schaumacher) of bikes in the college.Im mean nothing can happen to him.He`s the Best.Bloody Best(choking)!"Sammy persisted.He loved his friends.
"Come outside,Check it out."
"JUst them JP n Joy came to the room,Joy`s face was distorted and JPwas dazed .Thunderstuck.
Sammy Just called up our Third roomie Varun Sangal(DPS RKP.NOIDA) n he came over in about an hour frm his aunts place.
The next two hours passed in a daze with most of the final yearites getting ready,calling the Princi, the HOD,booking vehicles to go to Karwar (171 kms) away.
All the while saner guys would go about the rooms collecting all the bike keys so nobody actually took off for Karwar in their Bikes.Somebody(Sammy i think) called up Shantanu who was Sangrams Bike partner n just told or rather ordered him to come to the hostel.
About thirty mins later a very drunk n bleary eyed santanu zooms into the biking lot.keys are taken from him immidiately and then he is told.
Stupor.Silence.Fear.Disbelief.his world just went a wee bit grey .