the KID GAL...as tommy would say...

i cant be like the silent Rothschild...i really dont want ot call her the day before her marriage and tell her" i cant come to youe wedding,cause you were the one lady i wanted in my life"...
The Rothschild is strong....maybe stoic...i certainly am neither.
So i would rather make ann effort right now and just tell her what my feelings are like.
i have always loved her for the last 8-9 odd years,loved her to destruction..almost.
barely came back from the brink.
Loved.
fell from grace.
survived.
i have nothing to lose.
i am beyond loosing anything more.
so might as well tell her everything.
how i went green in envy.
how i went insane in jealousy.
a cool head would have helped matters....
but i had no one to confide in...
the gang was clueless...
parents just wanted me to get out of Tech school alive and with a degree...
watever happened on the night of 30 th June 2001 was sheer madness on my part.can never ever forgive myself for shouting at her,for being so mean and sleazy and personal.
i went overload and said things which i can now categorically state is sheer madness...
used to love..had to lose her...

i tried everything to forget her.
eveything i could.
dated a series of pretty girls,smart girls,rich girls...
buti could never forget her.
maybe..
she is unfinished business to me.
i need to close the account.

i could not bring myself to walk into lake club.it hurted like hell.
it really did.
until one day i just dared to do the unthinkable.
i walked into Lake Club and took a rowing membership.
i wanted to put back the pieces of my life.
else its completely a love`s labour lost.
i am a grown-up guy..i cant live liike a zombie,not any more....
not one more day...
the whole quiizing gang has given me strength,confidence and a will to take things as they come.
i was very afraid,maybe mortally afraid of loosing her.

now
i have LOST her.
so, dats all about it.
i miss her every corner of the road,
every nook and cranny of the lake...every course..every day every race.
i just miss her...

i realise its all my fault..how much i try to pass on the blame on my mom////
shit happens...
but i should have acted like an adult...not like an imbecile.

maybe i freakewd her out..more than once...
repeatedly...
but i know she is better than me...nicer than me...more forgiving,sweeter,much more balanced.
atleast i have one bog friend on my side...her MOM...
kakima is a sweet-heart.
dats a big saving grace.

we were young and restless...the age was very bad...
we took independant decisions...some right ,some wrong...
mostly wrong as far my decisions are concerned.
silly me...


now i need to talk to her calmly,sweetly,decently and reasonably.
she will see reason.
reson is the key.
LOVE is a bigger reason.

Who needs a reason when love bites.
love hurts.
i want her back.
period.