Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Aat Chalish ki Last local...and all that

my fav local train: 2040 all stops to Trkswar.

A Classic Master card moment:

Coffee at CCD for two: 130 bucks
tips for the waiter: 10 Bucks
Four-cd pack of Gulzar : 900 bucks
The look on her face at getting wat she wanted to buy with her first salary: priceless.

P.S: will do anything, i repeat anything to have her repeat that look...

she is in control,i am comfortable with that...

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Big bad Brother...or is it A Stupid grt Oaf???

I feel strange,even scared at times when I hear that members of a Certain branch of Kolkata Police make it part of their routine office work to call up and abuse members of the peace-loving( LOVING is the Key-word) public and generally lecture (! ) them about something I consider a very private matter…viz…their love –life.

What kind of a creep does that…are those ppl out of minds to waste their time,tax-payers money and energy medling in someone else`s personal matters…

Through some ppl I know in the Police Dept , I have had first-hand insight of how abusive,thick and insensitive certain sections of the Force can be! Abusive is an understatement, I haven’t heard such colorful language even in a Kolkata Football League Match…
Any person who hasn’t been exposed to the murkier sides of life would feel unwell very rapidly when subjected to a Smooth menacing voice on the other side of the Fone” Laal Bajar thekey bolchiii” …

I would wet my pants if someone ever called me like that…

And for someone who has just taken a boldstep of Not only marrying outside his Religion, but also INTO a one of the most clannish and Conservative societies in the country. He ought to be scared shitless. After such a call, the best thing for him should have been to run,run hard,fast and for a very long time.

But he HAD faith in love,faith in justice,faith in Humnaity.
He just thought he might get away with antagonizing one of the MOST law-bypasing sections of Kolkata…the Marwari businessmen.
With the unholy trio of money-disregard for law- inherent recklesness , a Marwari businessman is the Worst thing that has ever happened to this city.
We Calcuttans just don’t deserve them.Niether did this young couple who had faith in love and its healing capacity. little did this young man realize his Father-in-law wouldn`t think twice before bumping him off…For Mr AT, a widowed Daughter is just another deal gone bad..for the time being that is !

He will find a better deal.For ppl like him,there is always some money to be made out of any deal,even if means selling your old folks down the river…

What is very very scary and appaling is that the Poor youth was hounded by the very ppl who ought to have provided him security in the first place.
The Anti-Rowdy Section of the Detective Dept of Kolkata Police has the express task of keeping Tab on the more unsavoury sections the society. Instead they call up ppl from the Police HQ telephone and abuse and threaten them of grave physical harm and generally discuss their parentage and professional careers.

And the cake is taken by the Comm Of Police, a stupid grt Oaf whose life-time achievement till now had been to be Elevated to the post of the Chief of the local cricket board.
Till now that is! Now he can boldly claim to be the only Cop in the country who comes on Natl tele to proclaim that someone`s private family matter is his area of interest ,and HE n his Dept has the sole authority to interevene in such matters.
PWD go take a hike, dig a drain.generally FUCK OFF!
No Fear,Kolkata Police Is here.

The mutton-headed lump of lard even went to the extent of proclaiming that he will intervene everytime someone falls in love.Mother,I dare you to intervene in mine…I will break ur ass..just dare it…
Well on second thoughts , u probably wont be there to intervene in any thing very shortly.
Mr CP,if u had the real thing in you,you should be trying to get Ranadeb and Macko in to the Indian team instead of this mess.

Probably, he wears Lux banyan n Chaddi.

Shit-head, go buy a Tommy Hilfiger,go undieless…but please don’t meddle in things that don’t bother you…
Look wat a fine mess you have got urself n ur juniors into!

Some of my close friends, all in India Govt Service , are vouching for the fact that the two senior IPS officers potraye by the media s the Big bullies are in fact rather Laid-back nice folks who probably just got presurised by their boss to act this same boss,the afore-mentioned Buffon is trying to bluster his way past a whole gamut of mediamen and the society in general.

But this time Mr Big Brother,u have miscalculated…u n ur Chaddi-yaar just made a very small mistake. U have underestimated the power of Indian youth.
Candle-light vigils in Park Street, public petitions, mass mailers, there is an air of protest mixed with indignant outrage around.

Maybe 5 yrs back,things like this went unnoticed.
Not now.
Not any more.
The same thing happened to Nitish Katara …poor soul paid the price for being just friends with Bharati Yadav, daughter of a rather infamous politician…
Six feet under…

The only difference being this time we calcuttans CARE.
Maybe a bit late. But we are raising our voices.

Khelengey hum jaan se
Khelengey hum shaan se
Nafrat se kya jitna
Jitengey hum Pyar mein

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Sarkari Steed n us

This concerns me a n very good Friend of mine, a rather multi-faceted genuis...
Eats well,drives well, Quizzes well...even plays Squash ( developed a Tennis elbow playing it!) .
Incidentally he is a also an employee of Pratibha Patil.

The culprit steed in question being a rather slow rumbling white Indigo without the customary hood ornament.

Every time the two of us travel it, some tragedy befalls us.

Tragedy 1:

After a long chat over endless cups of filtered black coffee and Dal-fry at his office, we moved towards The Taj to pick up some goodies from the Cake-Shop.
Alas the cake shop being closed we were just driving out ,when our reverie was rather rudely disturbed by the honking and impatient flashing of lights of a car behind us.
My friend immidiately asked his driver to slow down and then hell broke loose...or should i say a barrage of the choicest bengali adjectives were being hurled at us thru the open window of the over-taking Honda.
For Exactly 10 seconds,roughly the time it takes to cross the length of an indigo,
the Buggers Jaw dropped,and he was goading his driver to " step on it"

The next 2 minutes was straight out of a Cheap Hindi filum,the types were good cop is prevented by duty,changing lights and idiotiic pedestrains from tearing thru red light zones.
We stopped at the Red Light near National Library while the Honda just disappered down Alipur Road.

Tragedy 2:

A rather Shiity Monday evening we were driving along the BYpass towards Saltlake when just past the Sonar Kolkata ( Not Sonar Bangla !) a red Maruti materialsied out of nowhere and hit out car.
AC off.
Red Lights On.
Give chase.

Catch Bugger near the stadium.

My Pal n I jump out of the Car,driver runs and blocks the road.

The driver was sweating profusely and the passenger looked like he was having a Myocardial Infarction ...
sweat running down the face, face flushed, eyes goggled at Unknown and rather dangerous results ( Thana, third-degree, Police case, Photo in newspapers,coming out of Sessions court with gamcha/hanky/ Old newspaper on the face) .

Driver" Dada maaney Sir please bhul hoye gechey...maaney i never drive in Kolkata...maaney i am from Bardhaamaan" maaney aar hobey naah...sir please"

We barely controlled ourselves from bursting out in laughter and walked off...
stopped the car in a secluded stop near the SAI campus and ran out of the car bursting at the was THE MOST INNOVATIVE excuse i have ever heard in my life...


Monday, August 13, 2007


Five footballers NEVER to have played in the World Cup.

  1. George Best
  2. Eric Cantona
  3. Ryan Giggs
  4. Jean-Pierre Papin
  5. David Ginola

Strangely enough, three are Manchester United legends.

Friday, May 25, 2007

One ups...( thanks Atrida)

The two instances of somebody gaining one-up on wat in kolkata we would generally classify as “Dalals”( not the Mithunda variety though)

  1. An old gentleman,father of one of our mutual friends was huffing and puffing his way up to the Mall in Darjeeling when out of the Thin Air( no pun) materialized a puny character in a dirty jacket… wat followed was utter mayhem…

Uncle Types( UT)..babago aar paari naah…aar koto tah re baba???

Dirty jacket ( DJ) babu...babu...oh babu...

UT: ki holo baba? ( groaning…his way up another bend)

DJ: babu..kanchi laagbey Kanchi>>>

UT: ( too breathless to be outraged) naah baba…ketey poro

Persistent DJ follows

DJ: babu ekdom fresh hobey…ekdom baacha…

UT: ( gasping for breath at a turn)

“ kanchi toh chai naah….kintu ekta BENCHII jogar korey ditey paarbey ???”

DJ vanishes rapidly in to the evening mist.

2.This one concerns a rather grizzled quizzard of Kolkata, one reputed to have pummeled the Security officer and driver of some All India Service officer,for disregarding traffic rules at Park Street.

This rather hefty and honorable gentleman n his friend, after a rather heavy meal at Mocambo, were walking towards their car parked at Middleton Row, when they were joined in their wake by a shady character peddling(!) even murkier wares.

O.Q n Pal: Ki chai??

S.C: babu laagbey naaki?

O.Q : Ki ???? ( brain function dimmed by too much of greasy muck)

S.C: jai girl…housewife…jah laagbey hobey…

O.Q : dhur saala..paala ekhon…

Meanwhile they have crossed Park Street and are bang in front of Music World,ambling towards Peter Cat wer the vehicle is kept.

S.C : laagbey bolun naah…saara raater jonno chai? College-girl…Miss Calcutta?Tao hoye jaabey…rates ekdom bhalo…bhalo jinis paaben..bolun naah.. Ki


Now our mutual friend is at the and of his patience.Wit n sense of humor still intact


O.Q: (in his smoothest voice, with hand on the shady characters` shoulder)

Ogulo toh chai naa..kintu tomakey ki pawas jaabey???

S.C.: cheeeeecheeee( electrified) lojjja korey naah??/

Cheeeeecheeeee…(.backing up rapidly) chee cheee…bhodrolok naah aaro


Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Bliss is not talking bout the windows default wallpaper...

1. wen VPN is not conecting,so I neednt/cant open Outlook express...

2.the swooshing sound of my Dreisigacker concept II hatchets on the placid waters of the lake...

3.the crackling of leaves on under my sneakers while huffing n puffing round the lake.

4.the snarl of my yamaha in 2 nd gear( pulsar anyone???)

5.being able to work out a real toughie posed by Jayashreedi/Shouvikda/Abuda...

6.Cello Kabab at PC...

aauwwww..VPN is back...
back to work...

Monday, April 23, 2007

lessons from Orkut...

this online community has taught me some hard lessons

1.never talk to any unknown/semi-known may end up trying to explain Douglas Adams to them.

2. never accept invitations from ppl who have pics of filmstars/hot babes/death metal artists as thier profile pic.

3. never discuss Quizing funda in scrap books....
there are saner ppl around...not everyone understands the RHINO-BULL and ADIDAS fundas...

4.never visit someone`s profile just because some nerd i know knows him/her...

5.never join a community cause some female you have taken a fancy to is a member of it...females become member of SUZLON/BCG/KPMG/ABB communities cause they think mech engg/investment bankers need visual viagra...we are NOT interested in part-time jobs which MIGHT pay us 30000+ per month...we are part of our organisations online community...not some same-sex fetish club...

5.never try for blind dates..dates are blind...the eye-opener is your credit-card bill...

6.lastly...never visit your ex-flame`s profile...her name on the list of my profile visitors have given me a bad case of Acidity...

Saturday, April 21, 2007

inside stuff

if somebody is looking for the corporate withe shittest

1.Corporate Social Responsibility
2. Corporate Governance
4.Retention/attrition rate.
5. Joke of an HR policy.
6. Underpaying.

Look no further.
look at the one i work for.

Land grabbing...yes
bribing on a mass-scale...yes...
bending rules...YES.
going back on promises...han bhai haan...
leave it or fuck off policy...roger that...

worst part is we have the best qualified and most dedicated team led mostly by a pack of Gutkha-chewing managers,who dont realise the simple fact that their strange antics really hurt the overall image of the MNC....
hate to see hot-shot managers squirm and look away when the Boss-Guy starts chewing Gutkha during a meeting...

Respectable CMD...
please do somethingg...really loved it when u were the hands-on boss...
lead the way../
all the way....

Friday, April 20, 2007

Water Mgmt...???CII( why???)

Some misbegotten morn from CII Kolkata chapter wants me to attend some shit seminar on " water Management in 21st Century" at the park.
Who the fuck gave him my office id.???( ITFM_PUNE...grrrrrrrrrrrrr)
Who pays to go to Park?
Who cares for some crap organised by CII,Kolkata chapter???
Feels creepy to know some clerk at some Lobbying platform has my Email id.
feels even creepier to know he knows " ami ektu jolopothey jai".
He even knows i go to the Park regularly.

Is the big brother watching?

need to unplug the compu,throw away the Credit Cards, and even my employee id.

take out the bike.
ride to goa////

just lose myself in the crowd.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

the KID tommy would say...

i cant be like the silent Rothschild...i really dont want ot call her the day before her marriage and tell her" i cant come to youe wedding,cause you were the one lady i wanted in my life"...
The Rothschild is strong....maybe stoic...i certainly am neither.
So i would rather make ann effort right now and just tell her what my feelings are like.
i have always loved her for the last 8-9 odd years,loved her to destruction..almost.
barely came back from the brink.
fell from grace.
i have nothing to lose.
i am beyond loosing anything more.
so might as well tell her everything.
how i went green in envy.
how i went insane in jealousy.
a cool head would have helped matters....
but i had no one to confide in...
the gang was clueless...
parents just wanted me to get out of Tech school alive and with a degree...
watever happened on the night of 30 th June 2001 was sheer madness on my part.can never ever forgive myself for shouting at her,for being so mean and sleazy and personal.
i went overload and said things which i can now categorically state is sheer madness...
used to love..had to lose her...

i tried everything to forget her.
eveything i could.
dated a series of pretty girls,smart girls,rich girls...
buti could never forget her.
she is unfinished business to me.
i need to close the account.

i could not bring myself to walk into lake hurted like hell.
it really did.
until one day i just dared to do the unthinkable.
i walked into Lake Club and took a rowing membership.
i wanted to put back the pieces of my life.
else its completely a love`s labour lost.
i am a grown-up guy..i cant live liike a zombie,not any more....
not one more day...
the whole quiizing gang has given me strength,confidence and a will to take things as they come.
i was very afraid,maybe mortally afraid of loosing her.

i have LOST her.
so, dats all about it.
i miss her every corner of the road,
every nook and cranny of the lake...every course..every day every race.
i just miss her...

i realise its all my much i try to pass on the blame on my mom////
shit happens...
but i should have acted like an adult...not like an imbecile.

maybe i freakewd her out..more than once...
but i know she is better than me...nicer than me...more forgiving,sweeter,much more balanced.
atleast i have one bog friend on my side...her MOM...
kakima is a sweet-heart.
dats a big saving grace.

we were young and restless...the age was very bad...
we took independant decisions...some right ,some wrong...
mostly wrong as far my decisions are concerned.
silly me...

now i need to talk to her calmly,sweetly,decently and reasonably.
she will see reason.
reson is the key.
LOVE is a bigger reason.

Who needs a reason when love bites.
love hurts.
i want her back.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Kolkata Quizzing…the citizens…and the also rans…part 1

( this is a rather humble effort of mine to just jot down a few words about some the rather interesting people I have managed to meet in course of my rather uneventful and thoroughly mediocre quizzing endeavors)

Shouvik Guha aka Holy Smoke, The Great Man.- Civil servant by profession, Quizzard by passion Shouvik Guha`s passion for knowledge,understanding and his absolutely no-airs attitude is what makes him the very best around.
Nothing is too trivial,no knowledge is too esoteric for him.hmmm maybe he cant recognize between Fergie of Black Eyed Peas and Amy Lee of Evenescence …but well that’s about it.
If its to be known and assimilated and shared,SG is the man.
Foor him,the funda is simple.
Mind it,he wont ever remember things that don’t interest him.
Ultimately everything boils down to his basic love for the wide big world of knowledge sharing.He has won everything that can be won in this country and can rightfully claim( which he would never) to be the very best quizzard around.
The very first tijme I met him I in small dusty room in gariahat market, I was just taken aback by his sheer interest to learn. Guess that’s what keeps him maybe the fact that he absolutely yearns to see Quizzing as a hobby and a sport grow in this part of India once again.

One of the oldst hands in Indian Quizzing,SG`s greatest strength is his open mnd and his ability to learn and come back next time,next quiz.
First quiz we attended was St Paul`s North Point Inter-School Alumni Quiz at the Oberoi where funnily enough I managed to beat him.The real fun started after the Quiz ended.SG,me,Sumantra and some kids just stood around with our tipples and did a whole round on Tintin and Asterix…Feluda too for good measure…we went home reeling…

Later the whole relationship took a different turn when one forgetaable quiz later,he curtly told me and Sumantra to drop in at DI. Holy Cow! SG has invited us kids to DI,the Mecca of Indian Quizzing.Therein started what I can proudly say one the best Teacher-Student relationships in my life…one I never want to end.

At DI,we were party to his rather long cherished dream of Setting up a Quizzing Foundation in Calcutta, a dream he and some other old hands like AB, KB and JaP have discussed for hours over endless glasses of Scotland`s finest and DI`s oiliest.

Though his dream of never been crowned Mastermind India will foreverstay with him,surfacing only with close few over a glass of his favourite,I can proudly say I have sat in quizzies with theVERY Best Quizzard tthis country has ever produced.